Memory: Bright-eyed boy telling me about Shark’s teeth — I was above and beyond the mire of irrationality then — as Seger says Deadlines & Commitments What to leave in, what to leave out.
Reality: There are dozens of us hundreds
walking the shoreline of Myrtle
each day —
You will know us by our eyes
cast down, scanning the sand
looking for Grace reflected
in an ebony shine.
We are a greedy and gracious lot
depending on our need in that hour.
because we need every syllable God whispers.
seeing another seeker with empty hands –
we smile and pass a treasure off –
Here, these are for you.
Handing the letters of God to others
because we are all seeking
words to ease the suffering
of all the questions
that convince us
there is any other answer
there is an answer
in the sand
to who we are –
why we love –
how we are here.
Do you remember the nights in dark moon absent hours of deep crashing wave sounds?
You, with your bright flashlight walking an impatient mile-a-minute in front of me — always running — while love-want-mothering-harlot enveloped me in bliss and agony.
Duality — Loving a man-boy who would never grow up. The letting go ending every facet of my known world (and I knew that truth then) Still — knew the agony was my fight with God over what was coming-inevitable-necessary.
I laughed and cried together as we roamed the sand looking for treasure on those deep warm summer nights, saying goodbye to both of us in every step. Your flashlight dimmer as you raced ahead and as I followed, I knew I was becoming less afraid of the dark.
I find shark’s teeth now every time I visit the beach. God and I, hand in hand, walking together. He gives them to me — a way of loving-forgiving and remembering you.
“How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degrees?” ~William Shakespeare
It’s difficult to find the creative energy necessary for good writing during illness. Or, at least it is for me. So, during the past two weeks of stressful health issues, my mantra has been “no writing is better than bad writing” and I’ve stayed away from the keyboard for a bit.
I received good news from the surgeon this week that back surgery shouldn’t be necessary just yet. Instead, I’m having epidural nerve blocks done where the disc is torn and possibly minor outpatient surgery to clip another nerve that’s tangled in with the disc and arthritis. The first nerve block is scheduled for the end of this month. Overall, it’s been good news and I’m deeply happy that major surgery isn’t necessary!
I’m pleased with my orthopaedic doctor (he’s much nicer than the surgeon) and appreciate how open he was to working with me to develop a treatment plan I’d be happy with. Now, if I can just get the bronchitis to go away … another problematic area of late due to allergies to my pets (2 dogs, a cat, and a rabbit) and exposure to so many sick people at my job (dealing with 25 people a day and whatever germs they bring in the door)!