Drops

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~September 2019

 

Your voice drops
into my tired tattered soul
like the soft drizzle of Autumn rain
drops across the withering leaves
in a dry dying orchard after harvest.

Your voice drops
into my shaky shattered spirit
like the wash of deep hard rain
drops across fire-cracked earth
filling the deep-graven lines of desert.

Your voice drops
into my fragile frail heart
like the splashing plops of Spring rain
drops across fresh-born flower petals
newly breathing in the bright light of a garden.

 

~Photography Marissa Mullins (c)2019

Drift

white and black moon with black skies and body of water photography during night time

~September 2019

Drift = a continuous slow movement from one place to another.

 

Drift me toward the Shore of Surrender
on the wave of a sweetly sung lullaby.

Cradle me in Imagination and Intuition
with hands of intimate caring caresses.

Float me across the Ocean of New Hope
in the arms of fantasy and prayer.

Speak me a distant Day of Devotion
where flowers and fortune and future exist.

Courage me toward the silent Strength of Unity
with whispered words of sacrifice.

Drift me into the new living Light of Life
on the sound of a sweetly sung lullaby.

Sing me through these dark Lone Days
where the heart wills but the spirit is broken.

 

~Photo by GEORGE DESIPRIS on Pexels.com

 

 

Solace in September

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~September 2019

 

You are a gift given without your knowing —
God’s mysterious hand
using you
to bring me solace in September.

How can your love sing
this strange strong song  —
your voice whispering healing
into my shattered spirit?

Drowning
in the tones and waves and
whispers of lullaby —
I ask myself —

How does love
grow a heart that strong —
Strong enough to send strangers
solace in September?

Happenstance and miracles
grow from the same garden.
I am content to see the orchard —
to know it exists.

 

~Photography Marissa Mullins (c) 2019

A Stranger Who Is a Friend: Seeking the Beloved

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“What you seek is seeking you.”  ~Rumi

 

A stranger who is a friend I’m just now meeting brings me a gift. He reaches in his pocket – reaches his hand out to me – places a piece of the living world in my hand. It is warm from being in his pocket, from the heat of his energy. It fits my hand perfectly as I stare at it and then into it and through it.

An opaque beauty of swirling movement and lines flows into my vision. The warmth of endowed energy moves into me along with the images: first, an eye looks back at me: then, an outline of a bird: then, a volcanic landmass: then, a riverbed that explodes into the Universe twirling. And, finally, in it’s deepest secret revealing, what does this gifted treasure show me? Love.

This love so bright my heart beats deeper and my lips form smiles. Laughter breaks free and moves out my mouth. This love is the same voice of love in my ear all week saying that my favorite Shiva Lingham stone is to be gifted to this person when we meet. I explain this to the stranger who is a friend as he sits down on my couch.  I do not explain that I have spent a week chanting and praising and holding this stone in my hand so it would hold deep the energy of love for him when gifted.  I take the stone from it’s sacred space on my table  and I reach out my hand to his and give him this gift. Love.

The Universe as space and sky unfolds it’s magic and pours it’s love on the ground below. Metaphorically, this love is the ground where strangers become friends in the unlikeliest of ways. It is the ground that grows our greatest human possibilities and capabilities, the ground that fosters the seeds of compassion and giving in such a way that others and the world are made better by this garden. Human vulnerability and honesty are the water feeding thirsty plants so they may unfold, bloom, and burst wide into bright-colored, rich-scented flowers.

This garden crop at harvest is one of peace, generosity, encouragement, and friendship in sublimely spiritual ways. We grow and flower under the tutelage of love. She is our teacher and the deepest vast river and earth of our being.

We are magically superhuman (pure Spirit, even!) when we love ourselves and others with this Divine Love of non-judgement and non-condtioning. But this love requires two deep human offerings for maturation: we must sacrifice falsehood and safety. The irony — that in sharing our true vulnerability with others and maintaining a deep core commitment to honesty with ourselves and with others we move past the confines of self and into the joy of love that is the Divine.

The dichotomies and duality of good and bad, perfect and imperfect, enough and not enough seem to lose their strangulation hold over us; suddenly we breathe a little deeper, there is room for movement and flexibility, the control that once made us feel safe seems a lie and a bad joke somehow. We are beginning to understand the meaning of freedom. And this movement from captivity into freedom begins with a simple question: What are you seeking?

Or, translate the question into it’s deeper variations: What are you looking for? when you look at yourself, others, the Universe, the Divine. Whatever you are seeking is also seeking you? You will see what you expect to see. You will find what you think is there. What do your beliefs tell you? And how many of those beliefs still work for you? Do they bring you fear or pain, or do they take you to a place where love, joy, freedom are the common experience?

Take a slight pause to consider the questions…a minor shift in focus, one small off-step in perceptive point of view … are you seeking a stranger that is a friend? Are you open to finding the Beloved in the faces and animals and the world around you? Is a stone a stone — or can you open your eyes a little wider, look a little deeper — to the life and flow and love that hides within it? If you can pause and consider the questions a new expansion of your being will come. Suddenly, the journey opens wide a path in front of you and what you have been seeking meets you in the garden of life.

 

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Standing is the Hardest Thing

 

woman inside dark room

~for Joey, August 2019

 

You will run from me — and you,
and I will let you.
I will run from you — and me,
and you will let me.
Standing is the hardest thing.

The toddler learning to walk
is his best in forward, lurching movement.
Some children crawl backwards — first.
The fear in front worse than that behind.
Standing is the hardest thing.

There is a reason men crawl
from the battlefield of bloody excursions,
with wounds and exhaustion,
the out-flowing of life so painfully deep.
Standing is the hardest thing.

It is easy to cease suffering, say the Buddhists:
Die to every truth you ever believed, fall into empty.
Let go every need and want until you disappear —
Free. Falling into a place of no ground.
Standing is the hardest thing.

 

 

Photo by Bianca Salgado on Pexels.com

Teach Me

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What has been taken from me — only illusion!
This vast fountain-spring, life giving water,
knows no lacking, loss, diminishment.

THIS living flow cannot be left —
only momentarily forgotten.   It rises
again and again, THIS powerful water!

I will allow myself this floating; Drowning
in a mystic bliss of Other, One, Only.
Where will you take me, Jewel of my Heart?

I will not fear the journey of Unbecoming!
Loosen the chords, rip the ties that bind me,
Strip the person-flesh mind-voice away —

Breathe me into You; Breathe me into Life.
Let your Breath of Love sustain my heart!
Teach me this Dying Surrender into Home.

 

Photo by Eugene Golovesov on Pexels.com

Soul-Seed

 

The longing intensifies

and I am certain

I am growing —

more insane.

 

How to tell them

this Love of You,

this Mystic Ether

that floats me to You,

like a rose petal on water —

 

How to tell them

that Here in You is Heaven

and if this is Dying

I am unafraid.

 

But this Living —

with one foot in the Earth

and one foot in God’s Heart —

 

Straddling Eternity

is growing difficult.

 

Where would you plant me,

Soul-seed longing for Union;

where, Beloved, will this Flower bloom?

 

 

Humming

 

Christ comes as a dirty, broken beggar.

Buddha comes as a sick bird that needs tending.

Shiva comes as an enemy desiring your destruction.

Atman dances at the Center Expanding.

 

God shows up as a crying child

asking you to bandage His cut knee.

Ram plays hide-and-seek with

Loki and Odin in the Garden.

 

A whisper flutters on the wind,

tells you that you are standing

in the Navel of Creation where

Vishnu is dreaming.

 

Rumi and his Dervishes are dancing in and out

beside you.

As you waver and stumble, watch, go back to standing.

Grace masquerades in all these guises

playing a game of charades with your mind.

 

Don’t fear, dear one, your Soul sees clearly.

Reach out — offer the poor beggar food and water.

Reach out — tend to the sick, bandage the wounds.

Reach out — stroll in the Garden, Dance a new song.

 

Growing into ever deeper circles of Knowing —

you are humming in the breath of Brahma.

do you See?

 

All that God wants

is to be Seen —

 

Like that distant adoring Lover

seeks a glance from the adored Beloved.

 

Look! Here I Am in a bluebird sitting on a branch!

Look! Here I Am in the ocean wave roaring in your ear!

Look! Here I Am in the sand caressing your feet!

Look! Here I Am in the sweet-voiced song of a friend!

Do you See me? All around you in this Living

my Joy and Love for you pours forth —

 

You are Dreaming — Condemnation is a child’s nightmare.

Wake Up!   Look!   Do you See me …

your Beloved always trying to get your Attention.

Do you See?

Siva Refrain

 

Siva calls —

speaks the Fire of Loving Destruction.

The Phoenix becomes flame.

 

Siva calls —

His voice hollowing out the I of I.

The Phoenix becomes ash.

 

Siva calls —

There is nothing but the Nothingness of Siva.

The Phoenix becomes emptiness.

 

Siva calls —

It is time to dance the living.

The Phoenix becomes song.

 

Siva calls —

Siva answers.

 

Sent Out

I Am that Lamb sent out

into dark groves of Shadow

searching for the Wolves —

 

Each Step, walking with the Shepherd of Love,

Standing Staff of Love, directing movement.

The Lamb goes nowhere without the Shepherd.

 

The Wolves, eyes glittering in Forgetfulness,

seek blood — but this Blood, this Vein

pours forth Eternally — Drink Here, it cries out!

 

Laying down and down and down — Deeper into

the Bliss of Dying to Union with the One.

 

I Am that Lamb, that Shepherd, that Blood,

that River of Life Flowing Eternally —

 

The Lamb bleating to the wolves,

as teeth clamp down around the throat —

Drink —

You are that I Am too, my brothers.

You are this same I Am sent out.

 

 

 

 

Dance the Questions

Did I Call you

or did You Call me?

 

If our past Loves

were the Greatest Loves,

then we must Live There.

 

But, what of this Flesh

still Breathing Fire Energy?

It is Now and Alive —

 

What if we were Both

Simply Singing Love Expanding?

 

Can a Larger Human Love

than we have Lived Before

BE?

 

Or, are you My Shams —

Calling me to Union

then disappearing into the Mist?

 

Like the Sufi’s —

I will Dance the Questions

In the Music of the Beloved

Until the Answers Come —

 

This is how Love Plays.

 

 

Please, Hurry!

I asked Shiva and Christ

to have a chat with you —

that if Their Will is This —

they need to be quite clear with You

about It!

 

I Know You breathe Them.

Their voices whispering

cyclonic Peace, twirling winds

across your Soulscape. I will wait.

 

The god’s have Their own Timing.

But, so You Know, I giggled with Joy

when I asked Them to Speak with You!

Only Wanting what is Destined for me —

 

Asking They send you to me Soon!

I Am laughing in Joy at my own Request,

In This vast open non-time Ocean of Love —

Still, Something inside me begs —

Please, Hurry!

the One

 

A man tells me (he is a guru) — you must stop

being a mirror to others — I try — He asks

to see inside me and I agree and open.

Rage boils in him as Reflection stares back

and he battles the Shadows of Self on the wall.

I sit down — he is not the One for whom I am waiting.

 

A man says he loves me (above all else) — that Light

in my eyes ignites his passion and captures his heart — I try

to explain Reflection and Mirrors and Truth, opening into

voice, teaching — but determination breeds deafness

and he sets Fire to his Life with my eyes.

I sit down — he is not the One for whom I am waiting.

 

A man sings me sweet songs (and begs me) — save me

from myself, help me find my way — I try — I open

the melodies and lyrics of No Fear to reflect his Beauty,

but the fear in his heart is a Monster well-fed, and roars to life,

and he turns and runs away.

I sit down — he is not the One for whom I am waiting.

 

A man tells me he loves me and sees my shimmer of Light.

I call him Guru and he Humbles from the Title — Tells me, No,

you are your own Guru. You are a Mirror and we are One.

I Am meeting my Reflection — Naked in the Space of Sacred Being

with My Heart, My Courage, My Suffering, My Love — I open.

I stand up — he is the One on whom I have been waiting.

 

 

 

 

Come

“Do you know what I want?” Form asked the Heart.

A Prince of Peace.

 

In the fairy-tale, the Princes come,

line up to kiss her sleeping form —

lips to lips — they try — waiting.

(The Body on the Pyre of Burning

All the Impurities turning to Ash

as the Soul Energy — grows, rises.)

 

When the Prince of Peace comes

He Speaks into her as lips brush —

Spark! Light! That Surge of Fresh Life!

Communion — wakes the True Self,

Love leads the Body follows,

eyes opening voice speaking —

 

To be worthy of my Body, you must first be worthy of my Soul :

A Kiss that caresses that deepest Pearl of White Light,

polished, gleaming — waiting in the depths. Your hand

on my heart in the Fiery Vision of Reflection and Being.

 

“I know what I want,” said the Heart to the Beloved.

“Come. Sit beside me, stand within me for a time. Come.”

 

 

 

 

Unsaid

I almost said,

Promise me, if something

takes me away, Promise me

you won’t blame yourself, you

will understand — Promise me

if the dark clouds outrun the light

and I have to go away — you will

understand and forgive me for

leaving, I almost said, Promise me

you will not carry that hurt in your heart,

Promise me you will understand

it wasn’t your job to save me, I almost said, Promise

me —

(Ahhh the love glinting in your eyes that day…)

I knew it was a Promise you

would never be able to keep,

a Promise I could not ask you to make

because

love can’t make

a Promise like that.

 

Want Explained

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Want Explained     ~for Rob

 

I do not want to be on a pedestal

to fall from

my feet slipping

into stepping on your heart.

 

I do not want to be a muse

adored and believed

to hold magic answers to questions

my answers

can never satisfy.

 

I do not want to be a fever

of passion that burns in you

the flame dying down, flickering out

as time — age passes

leaving only embers of a dying fire.

 

I do not want to be a need

only to fill you for a time

the stomach, once full,

unable to hold more

is satisfied and the plate pushed away.

 

I want to be a river

you fish in, wade in, wash in, travel down —

I would be water that carries you with it,

moving forward

toward a never-ending sea.

 

 

One Step

 

 

lightening1

One Step    ~ for Rob

 

One Step

Away

from playing it

Safe —–

Never my game.

 

Enough deep-soul losses

Tempt Us to comfort-rest in

Strange Fantasies of no more

Wasted Efforts. Stop and allow

Someone Else to carry the

Weight of us for a time.

 

One Step

Away

from playing it

Safe —–

Never my game.

 

I Turn —-

run to Free-fall, Deep-breath, Jump

into the Danger of Air,

No Ground, The Abyss —-

Leap Into the Blue-eyed

Beauty of You —-

Fiat Lux! 

 

Message

 

The death knell bell is a chime of blessing,

A call to sanctuary and salvation.

 

If you hear with open ears the sound falling;

Whisper: Follow-Enter-Welcome-Home calling.

 

The oil of anointing poured out healing

From orifice and shaft and center sealing.

 

Bodies the mortal

Messengers.

Childlike Play

afternoon-view-john-worthington-

~ for Rob, October 2019

 

I will give you pull and push —-

And flesh and bone and home.

I will give you feather kisses

On the brow of furrowed stresses.

I will give you long and short

And deep caresses, then abort

To stand beside the bed

Just to look at you instead.

I will give you childlike play

As we dance the day away,

Cooking food upon a stove.

Making love deep in a bed

I will give you all I am —-

Wheat for dough and making bread

Verse for dinner and for lunch

Because I have a simple hunch

That you are more than shadow-light

Lost in moments of frailty-fright.

I will give you arms that hold,

Heart that opens in delight.

I will give you all that and more

Sweet brilliant Poet I do adore.

 

 

 

 

Connected Story

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I try to think you in words

But you are a galaxy of light and space

I long to float in you – not analyze you.

 

I try to remember words for the color blue

But your eyes shine the ocean of a bright-lit dawn

That blinds me past the point of plausible description.

 

I try to find some earth on which to stand

But the foothold of solid disappears into listening

As you tell me the details of your being.

 

I try to think of present-life analogies

But the fairy-tale magic of damsels and dragons

Calls the white-haired little girl child of me forward.

 

I remember the story of Rapunzel —

thick braided hair that brought a Prince climbing

to join and then release her from a castle in the air.

 

Words become that woven rope-hair-dangling  —-

waiting in the high-up rooms of lamented despair

I wonder if it’s you I see cautiously climbing near.

 

 

Struggle to Stay

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Hold me. Keep me blood and body real.

Pull me into the warm skin of your chest,

hands capturing my face.

Hold me closer. Keep me oxygen-and-iron body real.

Don’t let me float away —

the stars call me to lost galaxies

and a black hole supernova

Explodes.

In my heartbeat I hold you.

In my heartbeat you hold me.

Keep me

from falling

off the cliff,

tumbling into snow deep valleys

where Winter lives, pulls me

toward a freezing numbness,

into the illusory edge of existence.

Death walks with me

like some grade-school friend

I’ve always known.

Let me hold you — hold onto you

heated mouth, beating blood, warm skin hands…

Don’t let me float way.

 

Truth in the Kiss

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I tell you I would rather be kissed

than fucked because

it is the strongest knowing learned

those deep hard years

from cold hours of barren lust

in the dark loneliness of

disconnected sex.

 

Lying alone and broken on the bed,

in those fever-laced-burning dying days,

in the un-solaced hours of prayer after,

I missed Love’s kiss most of all.

 

Some women need a lifetime

to learn the price of all they’ve lost,

to learn the love of a mate

whispers its truth in the kiss.

 

You kiss me like crystal water pours

from a mountain spring.

I kiss you like thirst drinks down

cool well-water.

 

You taste like water – life – Holiness.

I thirst like death – isolation – Sin.

 

 

 

Loaned

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You lend me a strong warm arm,

clasp my body closer.

You lend me a warm heart-solid chest

to cradle my face against.

You reach, tender fingers hands tracing

the tears as they roll my cheeks.

 

You lend  —  loan  — run  —  reach —

Hand you to me like water

pours into scorched desert sand.

You come to me like a golden treasure

hidden in the ashes of burned ruins.

 

In these alone hours

when you are where you are

where you are owned – belong – home —

I think of borrowing and returning.

Crumpled Sheets

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I can remember
the way you walk –
a fluid movement
with erotic appeal.

The way your hair
falls a certain way
across your cheeks,
beside your eyes.

A slight lift to the right
whenever you smile –
the honey sweet taste
of your lips, of you
in a passionate kiss.

I can remember
the way your back
feels soft and muscled –
warm – as I roll closer,
snuggle into sleep.

Waking to feel
the length of your legs
entwined with mine,
the width of your chest,

the weight of you
shifting, above and within
me — your chest touching mine,
soft whisper of words
against the nape of my neck.

I can remember
the strength of you
holding me, taking me,
hot against my flesh –
filling me completely
all those long years ago.

~July, 2011 South Carolina

Photography Prints

ARTWORK: Reverie by Richard Young. For artist information, other available works, and further details on this piece, please go here.

Divorce

Broken Love

We talk
and there remains
a tension, friction
of what we
once meant
to each other.
More in common
now than then –

We share
two children,
four grandchildren –
a silver chain of being
links us still –
Regrets obvious
as we talk
while
the children watch –
shocked by the lack of
argument.

Did we really hate
each other so much? Or,
was it more about
how deeply
we hated ourselves?

Oil and water
from two different worlds –
Shared stubbornness
our greatest commonality.

Married once, in love
with the idea of
each other — the cold reality,
that we were just children
haunts me still.

We’re growing older
and it is easier
to talk about
what we never were,
things we tried to be,
all we had to kill.
That mutual cold death
of ending
that set us free.

~written February 2011

Photo Credit: Broken Love by analil.deviantart.com

Meditations on Mortality

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Sweet William by Barbara Moignard

 

Springtimes have needed you.
And there are stars expecting you to notice them.
From out of the past, a wave rises to meet you
the way the strains of a violin
come through an open window
just as you walk by.

~ Rainer Rilke, from the First Duino Elegy

 

There was a graveyard I visited regularly with my grandparents as a child. My grandmother would go tend the graves of loved ones (possibly her parents) while I picked Sweet William in small bunches and put on the graves without flowers. I loved the delicate beauty of the petals, their velvety texture and intricate patterns. It seemed the most natural thing in the world to pick them from the edges of the cemetery and place them on graves that seemed lonely and untended. A child’s belief that putting something pretty there would make it all better.

The cemetery was a beautiful and peaceful place to me (other than the painful annoyance of the little sticky burs that always found a way into the side of my sandals or down into my sock). The quiet stillness enthralled me as a child before death or graves held any real meaning. Visiting the cemetery was one of my favorite things to do.

It’s been a long time since those cemetery visits – I turn 46 tomorrow and I was not even school age back then – but I can remember what it was like when death was just another word that meant nothing in my mind and heart. A grown-up word that made people sad and nothing more. My child self living free and joyful without the understanding of mortality.

 

^~^~^

 

I worked as a property-sales manager for a small local cemetery from 2003 to 2005. I was responsible for all facets of the business operation – designing advertising, making product sales, solving customer issues, meeting legal requirements, overseeing burials and entombments, and maintaining good relationships with the mortuaries and their staff. I took the job expecting to be “creeped-out.” I ended up loving the place and becoming friends with the clients we served and the morticians with whom I worked.

I listened to all the personal stories of my clients and attended every funeral service on our grounds. I was a quiet presence, standing nearby at graveside or sitting in the last row of a mausoleum service, listening and watching, making sure everything was as perfect and well orchestrated as it could be. This was the respect, the care we provided to those trusting us in their final rite of passage. Honoring that trust mattered deeply to me.

Two years in the death care industry gave me a new understanding of death and dying. It also provided a glimpse of the actual job of professional body disposal carried out by morticians and cemeterians. Overall, death care is a business much like any other, but there is a level of respect and compassion present in the workers that is seldom found elsewhere.

What did I learn?

At every burial there are people crying, but their tears come for a variety of reasons – as many due to regret and self recrimination as for love and loss.

 

^~^~^

 

Twenty-two days ago a harsh, burning pain developed in my left shoulder and armpit. A random “share” on Facebook with pictures of example breasts showing cancer signs sent me to the internet to look up my symptoms. What I found there terrified me into a hospital visit…

I was in the E.R. five days after the first symptoms appeared with a swollen left breast, a “mass” of unknown origins, and a great deal of searing pain. The diagnosis was Mastitis of unknown origin, and I was given high strength antibiotics and a referral to a local surgeon.

Today – the infection is gone, the swelling has diminished, and the pain is much duller. I go for a mammogram and ultrasound tomorrow to start the diagnostic process. I am hopeful that it is something small and easily solved, prayerful the word cancer will not apply to me. I’d like a little more time, please, to experience this thing called life.

 

^~^~^

 

My first thought was that out of all the panic scenarios and insane phobias I’ve imagined in my life, out of all the ways in which I have feared dying, the thought of possible breast cancer never even crossed my mind! How like life to throw something at you from left field!

My second thought was of not wanting to leave my husband, my children, my grandchildren. Worry that I needed to teach the kids more, maybe I haven’t prepared them as well as I should have, and a myriad other things having to do with all of them being okay or not.

My third thought was the shock of realization that I might soon take my last breath, that it could end so unexpectedly, the lights go dark, and thought – emotion – feeling – sentience just STOP.

Awareness becomes the split-second adrenaline rush of panic, fight-or-flight in a state of indecision, anxiety…and then quiet. Then, thoughts of all the stupid and important things you’ll miss: McDonalds pancakes, the way a breeze feels, the way your children call you mama, sun on your skin, books on the shelves you haven’t read yet, grandbabies in your lap, poems you’ve only half-finished, snuggling beside your husband at night, the dogs always underfoot, the projects still half-done and disorganized, you and you-you-the you that is the personal I-the I that has likes and dislikes, cares, loves, needs, gives, feels…. living.

Life in all its deep complexity. The small moments and the large that make up a life….that make up your very unique and personal life.

 

^~^~^

 

You recognize the fallacy – you have been living all this time as if you were immortal, but you are not. Your specific time here is finite. There will be a last day, one day.

Suddenly, so many daily things become unimportant. The core relationships in your life and the core things in your personality become everything all at once.

You realize you will not miss your job only your calling. You cannot justify money as a motivator for anything that matters only the hope, safety, opportunity it may buy.

You wonder at the speed of days, how they have passed you ticking like a rush of water over rapids. You reach to capture them, slow them, but they drip through your fingers and out of your hand. ~

 

 

Your Hands

Harvey and Irene Gosnell
(My Maternal Grandparents)

After all these years,
a quarter-century past,
there is a printed-off copy
an old black-and-white photo
holding your images,
sitting framed on my desk.
I pick it up —
So genuinely the two of you
in looks, posture, characteristics
that I am
brought to heated tears —
as I hold you in my hands

Three generations
of daughters grown to life
in the house with a garden,
tea-cup roses, gladiolas, daffodils,
and tiger-lilies painting
the vast-long days lived
held in your hands.

I’m the last
almost-daughter
of your ancient, dark days —
(One born of blood-love,
One born of mercy-love,
One born of sorrow-love.)
Fifty years of little girls
becoming women
becoming lost — slipping
from your hands — but you

planted the seeds becoming traits
that would manifest and bloom
over time
like the much-loved roses
down the side of the yard.
We were all cultivated
in the same love,
the same soil.

I hold you in my hands
suddenly notice
that your hands look worn
old and tired
from all the years spent
planting and harvesting.

~May 2012

In the Dark of My Soul

Dusky non-dark lightness 
the kind that comes only
in those no-name motels, 
secret places of meeting
where the darkness
of strange rooms is muted by
lined-orange curtains, 
where parking-lot-lights caste 
ethereal shadows: 

you come quietly to bed 
like nothing uncommon exists 
in my being there drowsy 
head on your pillow,
clothed in your shirt. 

Your body, stiff in the act 
of lying down, carefully 
trying not to wake me 
from my almost-dream-state 
sleeping. Your 
warm-volatile 
spark-laden energy 
forced 
into submission -- still atomic: your skin, chest warm, 
hips touching -- 

rolling, turning, wrapping 
myself around you -- 
normal-necessary touch, 
like a moth to flame -- 
the burning-shock 
epiphany moment, 
in an old motel room --you, 
a bright-white imprint 
in the dark of my soul.

~May 2012

 

ky